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I'm a bisexual woman who's primarily dated men, which is both a byproduct of living in a conservative small town for a good chunk of my adult life, and sheer shyness. I didn't always live in a small town, though: I lived in a major city for four years, just before the recession.

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The internet was still an uncharted territory, compared to the vast virtual world it is now. Online dating was a nice alternative to bars which have never been my thing for meeting people, even when I was drinkingbut I was in my early twenties and too afraid to leave my preference as "men and women" on Match. Then I was a serial monogamist of sorts, in a string of long-term relationships for about a decade—all with men. There were a couple of brief, delightful encounters with female friends, but they were somewhat alcohol-fueled, and they were one-time-only.

Now I'm once again living in a different major city, recently out of a long term relationship with a man, and I need a break from dudes.

I've been spending much-needed time working on self-care, self-awareness, and the ongoing relationship I have with myself, and honestly, that is enough. I am at an awesome, healthy place where I am great on my own, and I don't need a partner. Part of a relationship with one's self, though, is a constant exploration of identity: who am I, what has shaped me, how do I interact with the world and those in it, what am I compelled by, how do I see myself, etc My identity is bisexual, yet it's been over seven years since I was with a woman in any way.

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I want to experience that again, whether it's just for a coffee date, or something more. I'm away from home for hours a day, and afterward, I have very little desire to go to clubs or bars or the like to try and meet someone. I don't necessarily want to meet someone where I work or study, because if it didn't work out, it could result in awkwardness. So I downloaded some apps.

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And I feel like I've swiped on all the women in the area. I've tried to start some conversations, and I've responded to a few women who started conversations with me. So far, nothing concrete has emerged. One almost date that was cancelled.

A couple of conversations that seemed to build steam Granted, I've only been on the apps for about six days or so, and I know this mild anxiety is a direct result of our instant-gratification-internet-culture. Still, the little negative Nelly voice within tells me it's hopeless, and that I'm never going to get to meet a nice girl to have coffee with and a long hug that maybe lasts longer than either of us could have dreamed.

I don't quite know where else to start other than I miss you. You were a piece of my heart that seemed to chip off and disappear.

I feel irritated by your absence, I'm not quite sure what to do with myself, I don't know whether to hide under the covers and bury myself from the world or keep myself busy to the point of combustion. I never realised how much I needed you until you were gone.

I took you for granted and now look where I am. You know how some things are just better left unsaid. Regardless if you have something on someone that could be a big deal or whatever There shouldn't be any future conversations about anything at all. So this is a little story on something that happened in my personal life about a year ago Spending the rest of your life with one person is a big deal, it is. To be honest, I had no problem with that at all. I had just gotten out of one of the most toxic relationships of my entire life and for someone to pay attention to me the way you did; it was nice.

You told me you wanted something real and long term but that was a lie too. I finally gathered my thoughts. Ladies, do you have an ex? A cheating ex?

A lying ex? Yeah, me too.

He lied about everything, he picked my outfits, blocked my best friends s on my phone, cried when I made plans to go out in an attempt to get me to stay homecheated on me more times than I could count, and ALWAYS made me feel like it was my fault. I bet it had been simply another shitty night during which I had remained sleepless. I had stopped counting them, not only because I had lost count of them, but mostly in order not to be more depressed than what I already felt. It was quite usual for me to wake up during the night, it also explained why I owned more books than clothes.

When I couldn't sleep, I used to read, and read, until I fell asleep again — when it actually happened.

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It was my escape. It gave me some hope. I'd never been someone who believed in fairy tales. I'd learned when I was quite young that fairy tales didn't exist.

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Reading gave me a way to be someone else, another person with a perfect life in a world where everything ended well. I envied these girls with perfect curves, a social life and an handsome man they weren't supposed to meet. I Just Want to Kiss a Girl. But I have always loved and been attracted to women.

But how in the heck does a woman go about meeting another woman? But I'm going to keep hoping and keep swiping right.

Read next: 'Chocolate Kisses'. Jumbled Order. Silence is Golden. Friday Vibes. Jessica Melton.

Don't Let Him. Kai Giambattisto. Diana Sol.