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By Chris Seiter.
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In fact, this is the exact process that many of my clients who find themselves in this situation have used to get their exes back. Breakups are nothing more than an admission of an ex that they think they can do better than you. There is perhaps no better illustration of this concept than the grass is greener syndrome.
The Grass Is Greener Syndrome: Is a situation where your ex breaks up with you because they think they can do better than you. For reference the honeymoon period refers to a period of time at the beginning of a relationship between two people where everything seems perfect. Sometimes it can be a good thing if your ex has the grass is greener syndrome and moves on to someone else.
What are your chances of getting your ex boyfriend back?
Ultimately they may think it is the best decision of their life but they are being fooled by the immediate jump in chemicals that arrive within a honeymoon period. Rebound relationships are often defined by their function as not being very serious.
Simply put, they are a distraction to help one party get over their relationship. If your ex moves on to a new girlfriend and his entire intent is to distract himself from the pain then it is likely that relationship is a rebound. A few years ago I wrote an article on how to determine if your ex is in a rebound relationship. Either way a definite calling card of a rebound has to do with how quickly they are moving on from you.
In I filmed a video called, how long your exes rebound relationship will last. I noticed that there was almost no reputable How to make your ex break up with his girlfriend out there on the topic. I polled my own private Facebook group, scoured the Internet forums and came up with my own data on how long the average rebound relationship will last. There are typically four phases to a rebound relationship. These four phases are essential for you to understand because not only are they important to identify for you but it will help you learn when you need to make your move via the being there method later.
An important phase to consider because often times this addictive feeling is what makes a rebound relationship so attractive. Not only will the honeymoon period allow your ex to distract himself from you but there may be a subtle misunderstanding at play especially if you notice a pattern of him jumping from rebound relationship to rebound relationship.
It may be a case where your ex literally thinks that all relationship are supposed to feel this way until the end of time. They will either choose to stay in the relationship and have it be plagued by multiple fights or they will run away. They may even confront the fact that this relationship was nothing more than a distraction from you. And it really puts them in between a rock and a hard place.
One of the first insights we had was with the no contact rule. A period of time where you cut off all conceivable communication with an ex after a breakup. The intent of this tactic should NOT be used to make your ex miss you but instead should be used to rebuild your own life so that you outgrow your ex.
By doing this, the no contact rule can have the added benefit of making an ex miss you. There are obviously more technical things to consider like if you share children or work together. Perhaps the biggest thing we learned when studying clients who were in a situation where their ex had moved on was the time frame of a no contact rule.
Ultimately if you are in a situation where your ex has moved on you ALWAYS need to choose a longer period of no contact.
Well, if you want to get your ex back while he has a new girlfriend then the absolute worst time you can begin that process is while they are in the midst of a honeymoon period with the new person. One of our coaching clients who was in this situation literally asked me one day, after completing her no contact of 30 days if she could do another 30 days. Not only had her ex left her for another woman but he was literally living with this other woman. The reasoning for why she wanted to extend her no contact was simple. After 60 days… which is still too long in my opinion she reached out to her ex and had pretty great.
Ultimately when we saw the good with her case we started recommending longer periods of no contact across the board for our clients in these types of situations and saw favorable. Once the patter was established that longer no contacts seemed to work really well we started trying to understand why.
Your next step
Shorter no contact periods tend to end while your ex is still in the midst of a honeymoon period with the new girl. The Being There Method: After your no contact rule is completed you insert yourself into the equation with your ex by competing for your exes time with the new girl. Doing this will show off how secure you are and ultimately cause the new girl to self implode. So, by effectively being there and inserting yourself into the equation with your ex you can make inro on getting them back. A lot of people will read this and immediately assume that the being there method is cheating or that we are condoning that.
The important thing to remember is that the goal is never to overstep your boundaries. The theory is that you are supposed to build maximum value through each rung of the ladder before you move to the next one.
If your exes new girlfriend is taking this drastic of a step then that means the being there method definitely is working. And then assuming also that in the being there method, you are dating other people, you could say. Why is it that exes tend to move on so fast after a breakup?
In other words, the grass is greener syndrome plays a huge role in their decision to move on quickly from you. The latest research in the field on rebound relationships is increasingly pointing to. So, in an odd way your ex moving on to someone new quickly can actually help them get over you faster which adds a difficult complication in the equation. But How to make your ex break up with his girlfriend all good things that honeymoon period came to an end and it came to an end in the most typical way.
We were texting and she mentioned that she was hanging out with her friends. This soon evolved into a sleepover. My assumption was that she was going to be staying at her friends house but her guilty conscious must have taken over at some point because she mentioned that her and her friends were actually going to be sleeping over at Dereks house.
Well, it turns out that Derek was a popular kid at school and one that my girlfriend at the time had a HUGE crush on before she met me. She was amongst a group of about five girls who went over to this house to hang with Dereks sister.
How to break up respectfully
That one experience of her sleeping over that guys house even though it was technically innocent polluted the rest of the relationship and made me extremely insecure that she was going to cheat on me. She denies it completely but does acknowledge that before she met me she did have a crush on Derek and that he denied her. Now they are just friends and text occasionally.
But it was impossible. I would pick fights with her to pick fights with her all because of this insecurity I had with Derek.
Maybe a month after I broke up with her I got a Facebook notification that my ex girlfriend, Kelsey, was in a relationship with none other than…. I felt that if I could outrun my romance demons it would be a healthy outlet for me.
I was over at my buddies house watching a UFC at a party when he suddenly had to step out of the room. He was a bit of a ladies man so I figured he was just talking to his latest conquest. He was gone for an hour but when he came back he called me over to meet him outside of the noise of the party.
Generally speaking there are four s I tell my clients to keep an eye out for on if they have moved on to someone new. I started Ex Boyfriend Recovery literally about ten years ago now and what has fascinated me is how the dating trends have changed in that time when it comes to social media.
One of the very best ways to determine if your ex is dating someone new is to simply keep an eye on their social media status updates, photos and stories. Usually they find out by spying on my social media s so technically I told them through indirect means. Basically the SOI is comprised of the people your ex surrounds themselves with whose opinions he truly cares about.
More often than not the sphere of influence is going to be invaluable for you in finding out if your ex has moved on to someone new. Sometimes that means they full on cheat and sometimes that means they just rely on another emotionally. When that happens it almost corrupts their mind with thoughts of leaving you because they believe there is a better alternative out there than you. If the situation I just outlined sounds eerily familiar to you then there is a good bet at the very least there is an attraction between your ex and this other alternative.
Of course, before I cover those assertions I should probably cover attachment styles. We How to make your ex break up with his girlfriend found that the vast majority of our clients seem to exhibit anxious tendencies and their exes seem to exhibit avoidant tendencies. Once this occurs then they give themselves permission to begin romanticizing the past. One of the most prevalent questions we tend to get from people who find themselves in this situation is, does it mean anything if my ex talks to me when they are dating someone new? Researchers have found a link between satisfaction in a current relationship and how often you communicate with your ex.
In other words, if your ex is constantly talking to you when they are with someone else then it is a small indication into how happy they are in that relationship. If they talk to you a lot then that means there might be some friction with that current relationship.
How to get an ex back if they move on to a new girlfriend
I would like to take this a step further and say that what they are talking to you about matters as well. After all, not all conversations are created equally. Someone who is actually interested in talking to you will actually be talking to you for longer periods of time.
Your ex boyfriend broke up with his new girlfriend… what now? Are you supposed to jump in and try to get your ex back immediately or give your ex some time to breathe? The being there method is cultivated on the fact that you are re-establishing connection with your ex.
A new perspective
Usually with that re-establishment comes feelings. Most of the time we are seeing exes break up with the other woman because they want to come back to you. Determining whether you should get an ex back who cheated on you AND moved on to that woman is always a tricky thing. A part of me wants to say RUN but the other part of me believes in second chances. Perhaps the biggest mistake I see people making in this circumstance is not leveraging the situation correctly.
Basically on a whim in our private Facebook group I recorded this Facebook Live where I talk about love and what factors tend to create it. So Bethany basically took these to heart and by her own admission sat down and literally thought to herself. She also coached with our head coach here on Ex Boyfriend Recovery, Anna.